thanks!!

Tom Jones — All By Myself.

Thanks
Alot of you are asking for details. He doesn’t hit me and he is willing to give me a divorce. It’s a complex situation, like all other marriages. I feel like he is controlling. And I also feel like he has little regard for the feelings of others. We want very different things out of life at this point. There was a time when I was willing to compromise to live the life that he envisioned, but I guess I’ve compromised so much that I just can’t do it anymore. No matter how much I change or give up or go along with, it’s never enough. Trust me, I have done everything except go to marriage counseling, it can’t be saved. This is not the arbitrary decision of a child who woke up and said, "Whoa, is this marriage?" In many ways, cultural differences play a big role in our marital problems. For instance, I have been out with friends only one time in my entire marriage. He doesn’t flat out forbid me (cuz that would make him look bad) but I am not allowed to have much interaction w/o him
By ‘adult supervision’, I mean that I had more freedom as a teenager. He has always handled the finances and made all the big decisions. If I go down to visit relatives, he insists on going with me. In fact, the one time I went out with my old high school friends, he insisted on making the 2 hour drive with me and waiting at a relative’s house with the kids. And now, after living like this, no matter how restricting I may find it, I am kinda scared about being being on my own.

i wish that you put more details about why he is a toad as i dont like to give advice about divorce unless it has true meritt to leaving, ie infidelity, physical/emotional abuse..etc where there are kids involved.. so i hope your reasoning for wanting out of the marriage is more then "boredom, or that you thought marriage was some romantic novel, or your just wanting to see if the grass is greener on the other side" because the choices you make will affect the children alot more then your concern for seeing an unhappy mother, their lives will Never be the same when u leave, and it doesnt always turn out to be better..for you or for them …and once the damage is done its not like you can reverse it.. with that said..

I got married at 18 to my high school sweetheart.. we had 2 kids by the time i was 21 ..by 23 we got a divorce because he couldnt handle the responsibilities that came with being married with 2 children especially one that is chronically ill.. and yes it was extremely scary at first.. knowing 2 kids totally depend on you for everything, to provide for them, to protect them , etc.. but you do what u have to do to make it by.. and once you get settled and into a routine, it becomes normal and its not so scary anymore..

Not knowing ur situation fully i’ll give typical advice apply it where needed.. if u dont have a job, i suggest that u stay where u are, until u can get a job, and save up money, ur going to need money to get into a new place, most places to rent your going to need enough for atleast first and last months rent, sometimes a deposit as well, then your going to need money to have things hooked up like elec, and cable.. to get started..plus groceries.. so make sure u have enough saved up to atleast handle that.. i recommend if at all possible.. because it will be a huge adjustment for you having to be responsible for all bills, and care that you should try and save up as much money so that your not starting out already financially in the hole… make sure u get a place that you can by yourself financially handle by yourself.. because it could be awhile before your awarded child support through the courts, and even then , some guys dont pay like they should, so u want to find something that you can afford on your own.. with out his help.. dont be dependent on his child support if at all possible..

Something to think about though.. my mother wasnt happy with my father.. she had married him fairly young, although not as young as you or i had gotten married, but not far behind.. she thought the grass would be greener on the other side, and although her gripes about her marriage were all in all trivial , she chose she wanted more out of life.. she left.. my father won custody of us kids.. something she didnt think she’d have to worry about just assumed cause she was mom that we’d be with her.. but she was wrong.. so from the time i was 5 to the time i was an adult i only saw my mom every other weekend and every other holiday .. my mom dated some guys who all seemed like prince charming at first but ended up being bad choices in men, my mom struggled financially on her own for years.. living in not so nice of neighborhood to make it by.. meanwhile my father got his life together with us kids, met a woman and remarried a few years after the divorce.. My mom couldnt stand that there was another woman in our life, she never considered the fact of my father eventually moving on and another mother "role " being in our life.. and my mother became very spiteful where my step mother was concerned.. although my step mother was a great woman who did everything a mother should do for us, and things that my mother didnt for us.. but it caused alot of heartache for us kids because of the hatred our mother had for her.. years down the road .. my mom ended up very hurt because we love our step mother very much and call her mom, my father and my step mother have a great life, one that she wanted to have and see’s now that she could of had, if she didnt let her immature thoughts to just have her skip out on a marriage to a man, that was a good man, just she wanted more and couldnt see that the problems they have were really trivial but because of her immaturity she made them out to be more then what they really were, and now almost 30 years later she admits to us kids that it was the biggest mistake of her life leaving my dad, that she lost everything ..

I really hope your making the right decisions for yourself and your children based on mature, rational thinking, and not just immature thoughts of what you think marriage should be.. because everyones lives will be altered forever, and i hope your ready to handle the fact that your husband wont pine over you forever that he’ll eventually move on in his life, and get remarried, and i hope your ready to deal with your children forming attachments to another mother role model in their life.. I had a great life with my dad, and i wouldnt change it even if i could..

I really hope that what i came up with has helped you. It’s about all I got right now hehe. Sometimes breaking up with someone and it is crushing. Sometimes it’s nothing. Just be sure you have moved on before telling people you have.
~Nero Whitesouls~